Intimacy and Family Caregiving

I had a great time as the guest of Doctor Gordon Atherley, on Voice America (internet radio show) – Family Caregiver’s Unite!

For the full radio show plug this address into your browser: http://www.voiceamerica.com/episode/79749/intimacy-and-family-caregivers

It’s easy to lose perspective when you’re a family caregiver. There’s so much to do and so little time to do it. That’s why it’s important to take care of yourself—when one’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs are met, you will be able to better care for a loved one.

What is intimacy?   Generally intimacy is a close, affectionate and emotional connection. It can refer to sexual intimacy as part of a personal relationship with a spouse or partner; it can also be the loving heartfelt caring of a loved one; and it can also mean the unflinchingly honest look at oneself.

Intimacy is a very personal subject and intimacy means different things to different people. Everyone is somewhere on the continuum of sexual health, love and intimacy. There is no right or wrong place to be:  to some couples it is anything from holding hands, cuddling on the couch or reading in bed together; for other couples it’s going on a date night or planning future trips together; and to others it is enjoying sexual intercourse or other sexual activities that fulfills your sense of desire and satisfaction. I’ve also found that honest communication plays a huge role in maintaining intimacy and often fosters an even deeper level of love and appreciation.

When you’re a family caregiver it’s normal that exhaustion, lack of sleep and multi-tasking takes a toll on a relationship – sometimes just trying to get enough sleep is the most important priority. We can usually cope with a change in our routines for short periods of time but when these responsibilities become a burden and there is no hope in sight that it can cause immense stress in a relationship.

To stay strong and healthy think about what I call the 3 R’S of Caregiving – respect, realistic expectations and respite.

RESPECT– is closely linked to admiration, esteem and reverence – these are words used to describe YOU. You deserve to be held in high opinion of yourself. When you respect yourself, you ensure that your body, mind and spirit remain whole so that you can carry on the tasks of being a family caregiver.

REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS – this is a tough one – and when one is new to caregiving you often try to do it all – and ignore your own personal needs. Sometimes you just need to say NO when expectations are unrealistic. Don’t forget to accept offers of help – it can really help with time management and planning ahead.

RESPITE – means taking a break or finding a breathing space on a regular basis. Sometimes it is silence – how often do we have the luxury of being alone and embracing the silence – time to reflect on you, time to make sense of it all or consider your spirituality. It means rest – easing your mind, body, spirit and finding peace within.