Author Archives: Sue Kelly

 While there may be plenty of fish in the sea, the rules of engagement have changed. What would the 1950’s advisor Miss Manners say about today’s sexual etiquette, a sleep-over buddy, sex with your ex and sexting? An important Internet survey reported that 52% of those who tried online dating had a positive experience. Patti was determined she would be one of them.

Patti’s Story:  Patti (59) had not gone online before but prodded by friends she took the plunge. After all, she thought it beats trying to meet guys at bars and saves time because there are plenty of men looking for a match too. Patti believed the time was right because she was feeling good about herself: she had joined the YMCA, recently lost ten pounds and the drama of her divorce was well behind her.  To be on the safe side, she set up a new email address that didn’t include her full name.

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Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss Psychiatrist identified in 1969, the five stages of Loss and Grief (similar to the 5 stages of dying): denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It describes the emotional stages that survivors experience after the death of a loved one (or the loss of a pet, friend, limb, breast etc.) Grief does not have a schedule—there are no deadlines for the resolution of grief. Of course these stages can occur in any order and can be re-visited over time as one moves to peaceful acceptance.

Another way of looking at the grieving process is through three broad and overlapping phases:

1. Retreating – the experience of disbelief, shock, confusion and disorientation
2. Working Through – the experience of feeling the full impact of the death – the expression of feelings and responses
3. Resolving – the integration of the loss into one’s life

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This past year, three dear friends became members of the secret order of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood called WIDOWHOOD.  They didn’t take a blood oath or swear undying loyalty—their husbands died prematurely and left them to pick up the pieces.

None of us know when the Grim Reaper will select our lottery ticket. For Jayne (63) and Bob (59) it occurred after a 13 year battle with a rare form of cancer, in a palliative care bed in St. Albert, Saskatchewan. Jayne tenderly performed his final bed bath and savored each stroke as she lotioned his body for the last time. In the end Jayne made the final call to ‘pull the plug.’ If you knew all the facts, that decision was easier than the discordant disruption of life she was living now.

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